Legacy media publications can keep their sexiest men and women of the year awards because the world finally has a winner in one of the internet’s most contentious beauty contests: the Tumblr sexyman award. And that winner is Sans from Undertale. Long may he reign.
In case you’re at a loss for words and are in desperate need for me to explain myself, allow me. Twitter user sexymanOTD just played host to the Tumblr Sexyman tournament, a cutthroat popularity contest in which internet dwellers vote for a fictional character who perfectly embodies the niche sexiness worthy of the hellsite known as Tumblr.
In case you’re not internet-poisoned enough to know, “Tumblr sexyman” is slang for fictional characters, typically with a bean sprout physique and a theater kid’s bravado, who Tumblr folk find unironically attractive. The brackets for this recent tournament included the likes of Raymond from Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Nagito Komaeda from Danganronpa, and Reigen Arataka from Mob Psycho 100.
“I hate some of these characters and I hope they get obliterated. Winner will be taken to Baskin Robbins and given a small cone. My treat,” sexymanOTD replied in the Twitter thread before adding that they hope Reigen sweeps. We’ve got an impartial tourney runner, folks. Nothing to see here.
It was fitting that Sans won the whole damn thing considering Undertale’s legendary Tumblr popularity, but his conquest was hard-fought. So much so, Undertale creator Toby Fox posted a short story chronicling San’s historic moment snatching victory from the jaws of Reigen’s supple dump truck ass.
Fox’s dramatization of Sans’ Tumblr Sexyman triumph damn well could’ve been an episode of Mob Psycho 100 because it’s pretty on the money with its depiction of the con-man psychic and his bowl-cut ward. Basically, Reigen, distraught over how close the vain internet contest is, grifts something fierce by resorting to a bimbofication makeover of sorts in order to woo voters. However, the skele-boy is still kicking his ass in the popular vote. Before Reigen can yell “Stop the count” the results are in, and he’s lost. To his credit, it was a close race, with Reigen garnering 49.9 percent of the vote.
But Toby isn’t some mere hack spinning a basic yarn. No, he goes beyond, by (fictionally) doxing the (make-believe) swing voter who dealt Reigen his loss: Mob Psycho 100 protag Shigeo “Mob” Kageyama. But hark, Mob’s reasoning for voting for Sans wasn’t malicious.
In fact, it was downright adorable: Mob reasoned that Tumblr sexymen are unattractive, and he didn’t want his fearless leader harping on his own self-image by listening to what other people think of him and trying to win the event. Jesus, who’s chopping onions in here? Mob is a good egg. And he also might think Sans is unattractive. Don’t shoot the messenger, that came straight from the mind of Fox himself. Take it up with him.
Reigen’s loss also means the end of his winning streak for a slew of similar internet tournaments held on Twitter this year. Reigen sits atop a mountain of less successful cartoon and video game characters, having won both the twink-off and dilf-off championships this year. Reigen’s cult of personality was so undeniable that he was disqualified from entering the subsequent “Pathetic Man Tournament” because voters feared he would #reigensweep them as well. Congrats to James from Pokémon btw.
Outside of Fox’s retelling of San’s upset, Reigen’s loss here was inevitable. You see, Tumblr sexyman lore runs deep, so deep it has its own dedicated wiki page that ranks fictional characters into classes. San’s victory over Reigen is a no-brainer according to the Sexypedia wiki. You see, Sans is ranked as an Apollyon, the highest echelon of sexymen, whose influence transcends the confines of their own brands and takes on a new life of its own. Sans shares this distinction with The Onceler from The Lorax. (Don’t look him up. You can thank me later.)
Meanwhile Reigen, according to fan logic, stood no chance, because he is an Archon, which is only the second-highest-ranking category of sexymen on Al Gore’s internet. Unlike Apollyon, Archon sexymens’ appeal never quite surpasses the popularity of the media they come from. So, bad match-up. The more you know.
Read More: Undertale: The Kotaku Review
Since its release back in 2015, Undertale has become a household name in the gaming community. Undertale’s influence has become so undeniable, even the Pope’s ears have been graced with the boom baps of “Megalovania” within the hallowed halls of the Vatican. Although Fox announced on Twitter that there won’t be any new chapters for his 2018 RPG Deltarune in celebration of Undertale’s anniversary, he did promise something special for next week. Whatever’s in store, fans can rest easy knowing their lil skeleton guy is now the undisputed sexyman of Tumblr. Enjoy your Baskin-Robbins. You earned it, champ.